Welcome to Zero Lemon. When life gives you lemons, give them back as lemons aren’t a good gift. If you want to subscribe to our mailer, sign up below!
Welcome to Zero Lemon. When life gives you lemons, give them back as lemons aren’t a good gift. If you want to subscribe to our mailer, sign up below!
Not a “Thing” (2023)
What is it?
A two-day self-supported bike-packing, mixed-surface bike adventure for good people to enjoy with other good people and for charity. But it’s not a “thing”. It’s also not as straightforward as our previous editions - the surfaces we’ll encounter are pretty varied and challenging (see “Which Bike Should I Ride?” below) - so make sure this one is for you before you sign up.
When is it?
Saturday 23rd and Sunday 24th September 2023.
Where does it start and finish?
We will start and finish in Lancaster - near to the West Coast Mainline Train Station / M6.
What’s the Route Like?
Day 1 is 95km with over 1,600m of climbing - so it’s lumpy! Day 2 is a bit shorter at 75km and has less than 1,000m of climbing as we slowly drift back to sea-level. Both days feature some long climbs, some short stabby ones and not a lot of flat riding in between. The ride is very much not a race, so we’ll allow plenty of time for all the groups to get through the days.
On Day 1, the Route leaves Lancaster and heads out toward the Forest of Bowland along quiet bike paths and lanes - we’ll climb on the road up to the iconic Caton Windmills and through beautiful Roeburndale on a more secluded approach to Salter Fell than you might have seen on the Pennine Rally. After descending into Slaidburn we take quiet Bowland lanes to Gisburn and off-road on Coal Pit Lane and then a sharp turn North onto the Pennine Bridle Way and through Barnoldswick. Here we leave Lancashire and pick up a lovely flat section of the Leed/Liverpool canal path for 12km. Then there’s a sting in the tail of the day as we climb into the Yorkshire Dales on and off road along Moor Lane and then the iconic Mastiles Lane before descending into Malham for the night.
On Day 2, we start steep climbing immediately out of Malham back through Goredale and Weets Top to Mastiles Lane and then around the back of Malham Tarn. We will descend Moor Head Lane and on between the feet of the mighty Pen-Y-Ghent and Ingleborough peaks to the iconic Ribblehead Viaduct and then down the valley to the town of Ingleton (pump track spin entirely optional here). The last 25km push is pretty much false flat down and mostly on quiet lanes or bike paths until you come alongside the River Lune and wind with it back into Lancaster and the finish.
There isn’t any support on this ride, you’re fending for yourself (albeit with lots of nice helpful folks around you who will inevitably try to help, if you want them to). All Riders will need to be self-sufficient and carry their own navigation, tools, spares, first aid and very importantly, snacks. You’ll need to sort your own accommodation too (but see below).
We’ll probably do an online Q&A with the riders that enter before September’s ride to talk about the different sections and what to expect.
What’s The “Plan”?
We’re keen that anyone who wants to join us feels comfortable to - so our plan is to offer a variety of experiences - initially we’ll be aiming to put together three fairly organic groups with around 20-25 riders in each group.
Just like last year, the groups will be loosely based around very rough average speeds to help riders self-select the best group for the experience they are looking for. But don’t worry if your likely speed doesn’t map to one of the groups - we will regroup at the end of Day 1 and we’ll set off together in the morning - so there’ll be plenty of chances to socialise outside the groups, if that’s your thing. We’re hoping to have a bit of a cook-up social in the Village Hall in Malham to end Day 1 (see below) and even wild swimming could be an option in Malham, for instance.
Average speeds on mixed surfaces can be very unhelpful and difficult to gauge, but initially, we’re aiming for a faster group, lead by Chris from Zero Lemon (something like av. 21-22km/h), a steadier group lead by Tobes from Cold Dark North (perhaps av. 17-18km/h) and probably a few groups led by Steezy Collective, open to women and non-binary cyclists, where the average speed will be whatever suits the group - in true Steezy spirit! You can read up about the experiences of the different groups in the past on our blog pages - we’re aiming for the same vibes again!
Initially, available places will be staggered entry and limited to 60 (20ish in each of these groups), but when they fill up we’ll have a waiting list - it’s a long way off and we understand circumstances change! If you’d like to bring your own group dynamic and join us, that’s cool too. Just get in touch with Chris, Tobes, or anyone from Steezy and we’ll get it sorted.
How do I join and what does it cost?
To join us for "Still Not a Thing", we are asking you to make a charitable donation (instead of an entry fee) at the level of your choice, either £20, £50 or £100. That donation (once we’ve used a small amount to cover some logistics costs (like Village Hall hire) and to financially support the Steezy chaperones we’ll have with us on the trip) will be directly donated to our chosen charities, Movember and Women’s Aid - split 50/50. We’ll report back on the total when we make the final donations. In the previous two editions, we’re proud to have raised over £10,000 for these charities and we’d like to raise even more this year!
We'll be launching the sign up process for those that are keen on 31 March, please keep an eye on all our social feeds for details on that day for specific timings and instructions - we expect the places to fill up quickly again this year!
Charities:
These rides are self-supported and so please read this disclaimer. We want you to know what you’re signing up for - this isn’t a sportive or an organised and supported event - just some folks riding a route for charity.
Bicycle riding can be an inherently dangerous sport. These rides are open to everyone, but on the understanding that Zero Lemon, Cold Dark North and Steezy Collective can’t assume any liability for your taking part.
By participating, we would like you to acknowledge that you will waive all claims against Zero Lemon, Cold Dark North or Steezy Collective for any injuries, loss or damage suffered whilst riding the route.
What’s included?
Nothing really, it’s not a “thing” - just your entry to join a great group of cyclists taking on a tough challenge together and raising money for really important charities.
We might share some snacks, too. Maybe.
What’s not included?
Transport to or from Lancaster to get home
Accommodation in Malham - although we’ve booked the Annex of the YHA and pre-warned the Riverside Campsite for those that want to camp.
Food or supplies either overnight or for when you’re on your bike - although we’ll do a “whip-round supper” in Malham on the overnight stay and we’re sure our friends Outdoor Provisions will have a few strategic snacks to share out!
Any mechanical support – you’ll need to supply and carry your own tools, spares and skills
Insurance – we strongly recommend that you join Cycling UK or similar to take advantage of their Liability Insurance and Legal Support in the event of any incidents that might occur whilst you’re on the ride (and whilst you’re riding in public spaces generally).
Which Bike Should I Ride?
The Route is a “bit-of-everything-mixed-surface-dreamy-and-dreadful” rollercoaster. There are some long tarmac road sections, some “princess gravel” and some trails and tracks where even the MTBers will be hiking their bike (although we’ve tried to keep the walky bits to a minimum). So we recommend using a bike with 35+mm tyres. You could do it on less, but it’d be a lot less fun! Chunky-tyred drop-bar GRVL machines and hardtail MTBs are probably where you should be aiming.
“Off-road/Gravel”, in the Dales and Forest of Bowland can mean smooth cycle paths, forest roads, singletrack, rocky bridleways, muddy fields, there’s a weird bit of sand on Salter Fell, and everything in between!
So having a bit of experience riding off road will be helpful. You should at least have done a bit of gravel/off road riding so you feel confident enough to take part.
What will I need to bring?
We’ll be in touch with a few specific recommendations for those that come along, but you should consider:
An appropriate bike (see above)
A helmet
Booking either a space at the YHA/B&B or some camping gear - tent, sleeping Mat, sleeping Bag, headtorch etc. - You’ll need to be able to carry these by bike, obviously.
Snacks (and then more snacks)
Bike lights (we should be done in daylight but it is September and just in case!)
A navigation device (e.g. phone, garmin, wahoo etc).
Waterproof/warm cycling and overnight clothes.
A good sense of humour, when the going gets hike-a-bike-y. ;)
What if this one’s not for me, but I want to gain some more relevant riding experience?
In the past few years, there has been a number of awesome Women & ENBY led cycle groups which focus on offroad, gravel & MTB social rides. There are also loads of great events from the likes of Sisters in the Wild too.
The excellent Saoirse Pottie has put together this brilliant map of supportive groups that you could join.
